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It can blur your vision when trying to figure out if you want to hang with this person for the long run. I’m Looking for 100% Pure Connection Half my life is behind me. I could see myself eyeing their bodies and trying to imagine the sex, but I stopped myself, pretty quickly, even with the fantasizing. Today, I’m even getting pretty stingy with first dates. I want my next relationship to start out with the potential going the long distance. At our age kids are either a choice you made or one you didn’t. Brutally Honest If it’s not a fit on the first date I’m going to try to let you know as gently and as quickly that it wasn’t a fit. And, in fact, feelings can be scary for both men and women.And nothing against the non-parents in the group, but I’m so wrapped up with my kids, that if you don’t have that same passion and joy, we’re probably going to have to look for things to have engaging conversations about. I think that initial attraction is something that we can’t really control or completely predict, but I also don’t think we can do without it. But as we begin navigating our time together we’ve got to be able to talk about whatever we’re feeling.
One thing I will tell a first date, “You can ask me anything. And while we are no longer a relationship we went through the whole process, getting to know each other breaking up, without any drama. There might have been a disconnect on those terms in my previous marriage. I know that I feel deeply and I enjoy being expressive of those feelings.
If feelings scare you, that might be something for you to look at.
Feelings are the key to compatibility, in my opinion. Yes, I selected these potential dates and knew their age, and also that they had not ever had children.
+++ I look forward to having another opportunity to learn about myself “in relationship” at some point. But I believe by having my priorities clear and articulated I can do a better job of finding and sorting through the process of finding that NEXT RELATIONSHIP. +++ UPDATE: Responding to a comment on another site about this post, I’d like to share a few more observations. Here are several points where I think we need more discussion. My post shows some of my learnings as a result of these mistakes.
It’s pretty telling for both men and women when their profile says they are 50 and they want to date partners who are 30 – 40. I’m pretty clear about wanting a woman who’s experienced a lot of the world. This is one I try to cover in the post in several different ways. (I can only speak from my perspective, not your’s, or her’s.) 3.
And in that model they’ve probably had kids, and are generally within 5 years of my age, on either side. Who pays, who is the predator, and who’s demanding sex?
My one girlfriend since divorce was a couple years older. I agree with many of the things you say are wrong between the relationships between men and women.
I am not an apologist for the cultural norms that have stacked the deck against those of us who are trying to elevate the discussion about it all.
[Feb 2016 Update: Dating a Divorced Dad – Version 2.0 Updated] Let’s Hook Up, Wait. We’ve both got some history under our belt, kids, and some requirements for what’s OK and what we simply won’t ever do again.